Michelle Malkin's Dark Secret Revealed!

November 21, 2005  ·  Michael Fumento  ·  Weblog

In what appears to be a desperate effort to provide material for a second Michelle Malkin book on the Unhinged left just weeks after the first was published, the moonbats are coming out of the woodwork to attack her on absolutely any grounds other than the accuracy and relevance of her work. The main thrust, bizarrely enough, is that Michelle Malkin, well, isn't. You see, it's really her brilliant Rhodes Scholar husband who's doing the work while Michelle kicks back and eats juju fruits all day. Or at the very least, it's a combined effort. The evidence? Golly, she's just too darned prolific.

Never mind that anybody familiar with Jesse Malkin knows that his main interests are health issues and economics, which are just about the only two issues Michelle doesn't write about. Why accept an obvious explanation such as that Michelle has a genius IQ and works like a dog when conspiracies are so much more fun? Well, I say Michelle should just do the right thing and fess up. Yup, admit that Jesse writes all the columns and all the blogs.

That might leave you a bit confused if you've ever seen Michelle defending her, uh, Jesse's positions on TV with such expertise but there's an explanation for that, too. Does Jesse look good in a long black wig or what? In fact, this conspiracy keeps getting deeper. The couple's two children? Through the bizarre tinkerings of biotechnology, it was Jesse who carried them both to term in his abdominal cavity. Heck, Michelle couldn't even be bothered to donate the ova -- she was on Swiss skiing trips both times. (Didn't know that Filipinas skiied, did you?)

And there you have it. Michelle Malkin is a complete and utter fraud. So all you moonbats who have been taking nasty potshots at Mrs. Malkin need to turn those guns around and fire for effect on Mr. Malkin. Until, of course, it's revealed that all of his alleged work is done by a consortium of aliens from the planet Niklam. But that, my children, is another tale.